A Moment in Training- Teaching Children to Pray

Question: So what do they say to a God they don't understand? What do they ask Him for?

Answer: When children are little they are learning about our God, who He is, and why we Love Him. They are watching, listening and learning all we teach them. There comes a time in each of their lives where He reveals Himself to them and they desire to live for God instead of themselves. I often tell the children. "Remember, you won't be getting to heaven on Mommas reservation. Everyone has to have their own reservation/relationship with God." It's not about recited prayers it's about relationship. I believe that we must be on vigilant guard to make sure that our children aren't learning the motions of something and never developing the conviction (relationship) of why they do something. Also keep in mind that God reveals Himself to each of us right where we are. My understanding of God when I was seven is much different than it is today. Does that mean that I didn't know who God was or have a real relationship with Him? No, it means that I understood him to the best of my ability at that time in my life. As I grew and matured so did my relationship with God. I am reminded of Paul's words, "When I was a child I behaved as a child.." I would encourage you to keep setting the example of prayer as an extension of your relationship. God will show you how to reach their hearts and reward your faithful effort to teach them of His commandments.

You might want to consider the following activity. We have done this over the years to help the children consider what they want to pray about. We have also talked about and studied the "Lord's Prayer" and discussed how to apply it to our daily prayer life. It's also a passage the children have memorized.

Write this on a board and then discuss the importance of each step in prayer. Share the verses that go along with each word as well. You can find passages by doing a word search using your Strong's concordance. For Adoration use the word worship. After you've been teaching them the meaning of the word and the scripture behind it then ask them to give you a few suggestions. We've even taken old magazines and had the children do a collage cutting and gluing pictures out of magazines for the things they want to thank Him or ask Him for and then draw pictures of other things such as items they are confessing or reasons they love Him.

The ACTS of prayer:

Adoration- worship: a feeling of profound love and admiration (tell God that you love Him) Have the children write down all the reasons why they love God

Confession- an admission of misdeeds or faults (admit to God our sin and ask for forgiveness) Have children write down what they are asking God to forgive them for

Thanksgiving- giving of thanks (telling God thank you for everything!) Have the children write down all the things they are thankful for

Supplication- to ask humbly and earnestly (ask God for His help for us and others) Have children write down all the requests they have for God.

I hope this helps. Thank you again for writing. Please know that I pray for you often!

With much Love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment in Training- Learning to Parent from Scripture

Many times I am asked by women, “Where did you learn all of this?” I always reply, “By reading the Bible!” My parents were wonderful and I love them dearly. I am confident that their example of God’s unconditional love was instrumental in my personal walk with God. I am sure that the time they invested in having a personal relationship with me displayed that personal relationship that Christ desires to have with each of us. Surely God has used my parents in ways I don’t even understand. Yet, as a mother I found myself seeking wisdom for hours through the day as I would read the Word, and pray regarding the issues in my home. As I read through the Scriptures I began to see patterns, examples, that I could apply in my home. For example. I don’t let my babies “cry it  out” I took the example in Isaiah 66:13 that says, “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you; and ye shall be comforted in Jerusalem.” While I do believe all are born with sin I don’t believe that baby crying is trying manipulate you. I believe they are trying to communicate a need they have. I believe that all children should be answered quickly when they cry so they know that when they cry out to God He too will answer them. Of course there is a balance. When a child is crying out of anger and sin I ignore it (with them in eye sight so I know they are safe.) I will tell them I can’t hear you when you throw a fit like that… first stop doing wrong, and then we can talk. I took that response from Scripture as well. In Isaiah chapter 1:15-19 we are told, “And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land:” From the time my children are little they are learning to communicate with me. “Use your words” we will often say to a little one that is struggling. We are patient, kind, and consistent to display the same loving training that God has used with us! Another idea I took from Scripture was in baby proofing my home. Many parents expect toddlers to live in an adult world and get frustrated when their child breaks the glass figurine, touches the antiques or so forth. They act like it’s the child’s fault for not knowing that those items are not for them. Other parents let their children have full rule in the home and never teach them boundaries. I can’t tell you how many families have come through our home over the years with children that would get into our personal belongings because they hadn’t been taught boundaries and respect of others property. In our home, I always baby proof each room but often have “one thing” that they are not to touch (just as God did in the garden of Eden). I train them not to touch that item and if they refuse to hear momma or papa’s words they are corrected.

There are so many examples we can glean from the Scriptures for our parenting. Seek wisdom! You will find it!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment in Training- Training Thankful Hearts

Have you ever had your child display an unthankful heart? I know I have. It’s not a pleasant sight to see a child “expect”and/or “demand” something.  In fact, God warns us of where an unthankful heart will lead us, and our children, in Romans chapter 1. Take a look:

Rom 1:21  Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.

When we fail to be thankful and glorify God we become vain in our imaginations and our foolish hearts are darkened. Have you ever wondered, “How do the deceived get so deceived?” Have you ever prayed, “Please don’t ever give me over to my depraved mind dear Lord. Please, don’t ever let me be deceived.” I know I have! The worst part about being deceived, in my mind, is that the deceived never know they’re deceived! I don’t ever want to know that my children walk in the deception because I failed to teach them the importance of a thankful heart! Training our children in thankfulness is critical, for a depraved mind and deceived soul begin with an unthankful heart!

We know the importance of teaching our children to be thankful so how do we do it. How do we get past the outward actions of saying, “please” and “thank you” and know that we have encouraged thankfulness to spring up from the heart and overflow into their daily choices and actions? Let me share with you a few things we have done in our home.

• Pray daily, with your children, asking God to give you thankful hearts!
• Remember the importance of your example! Do you complain often? Make sure that you are displaying a thankful heart yourself. Your children are watching! They are sure to see when your actions don’t meet up with your words.
• Say, “thank you” often. There is a wealth of instruction in the Scriptures about our speech. Make sure your speech represents a thankful heart. Continually find things throughout the day to be thankful for. The bird that fluttered at the window, the big white clouds, the wooden blocks, daddy’s service to the family, Grandma’s phone call, and the list could go on and on. Make sure you are sharing all the things you are thankful for throughout the day, no matter how small, and encouraging your child to give thanks also.
• Claim a day as, “A Day of Thanks”. Count how many things you can be thankful for that day if you get to 100 enjoy a home made cookie together! Count your blessings, give thanks for them, for they are many!
• Help your children make a flag to hang that says, “Thankful hearts reside here.”
• Teach older children how to use the Strong's concordance and find all the verse with the word ‘thanks’ or ‘thanksgiving’.
• Have the children write out all the Bible verses that they found, put them on colored index cards, and then place around the house.
• Don’t get lazy and let your child “demand” their own way. Tenderly instruct them on how to ask nicely and then say, “thank you” afterwards. Often a child will ask nicely but they walk away once they get what they want and refuse or delay in saying, “thank you.” Make sure that you are faithful in these little training moments and work with them until they behave appropriately. All the while telling them the importance of giving thanks for what God has so graciously given.
• Take a nature walk and call it a walk of ‘Thanksgiving’. Counting all the things you can be thankful for.
• Before bedtime recount all the things you had to be thankful for today and make sure you lead your child in prayer giving thanks to God for them.

Perhaps these ideas will spur on your own creative ideas. Make sure you pray about it, talk with your husband and only do as the Lord directs. Remember, I don’t share as someone who knows it all; I share as you Sister. May the Lord always be glorified in our sharing!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment in Training- Doctor appointments and such

I was asked this last week how to help children with doctor appointments. I will share with you the same story I have shared with many families for the last 20 years. In fact, I use to share this visual with parents that brought their children into the ER where I worked. It helped them not feel so frustrated with their child or judged by the staff. This post may be a little long. I will share what we do in our home and then the children’s thoughts also. I hope it is helpful and gives you some ideas as you minister to your family!

Picture for a moment that our world was ruled by Giants that would, at any moment, scoop you up lay you on a cold table with crinkling paper and then start to look inside your mouth, ears, nose and other places your mom always told you not to let people see! You would feel violated wouldn’t you? You lay there listening as they talk to each other in some foreign language with words you’ve never heard before and then before you know it they pull out a syringe filled with some unknown fluid and a needle attached to it. Wouldn’t you be just a little bit scared? As you start to object they call in the reinforcements and hold you down or worse yet tie you to a board to keep you still! And they call this event… a yearly physical. Wouldn’t you start to question the faith you had put into your parents who hand delivered you to these giants?

Okay, so maybe I’m being a little dramatic but I think you can see what I’m getting at. Just because we know what’s going on, just because we know our children are safe, just because we know that what is best isn’t what always feels best, they don’t know that! When I use to work in Pediatrics I use to always encourage parents to talk to their child and PLEASE don’t lie to them. Help them face their fears, teach them to use their words (this means you have to stop what you are doing and listen when they talk) and teach them the Scriptures that can give them hope when they are afraid. Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t let my children dictate their care. However, I do let them be a part of their care, within limits. I try to listen to them, explain to them the need and I am constantly proving myself faithful to advocate for them. Even when it means that I am going to have doctors or nurses who don’t agree. I am going to make the best decision for my child as the Lord has given me the wisdom to do so… and it will be in our timing! These events are critical and can impact my child’s outlook in so many other areas of life. It’s important that we get through this with the grace of God in a way that glorifies God!

In our home, I am honest with the children. I tell them when something is going to hurt what to expect and what I expect from them. I give them information that is age appropriate and expect age appropriate behavior. I talk about fears before we ever get there. Actually, it’s talked about often in our home.  I remind them that people will listen to them if they use their words where if they carry on, throwing themselves and screaming people don’t listen and just think they are ‘naughty’. People forget that often children carry on like this as a method of self defense. In our home when they get hurt and are crying the first question is, “Are you crying because it hurts or you’re afraid?” Then once that question is answered we can proceed. I have found that asking this question gets them to calm down for a second and gives me an opportunity to reason with them. If they say it hurts. My next question is, “With one finger point to the exact spot you feel the pain.” Again, this is helping them gain control and think about what they are feeling and it allows me to really be able to help them.  As their mommy I will be there to help them but they must remain calm and trust me. My child trusting me is not an isolated event. It must be something that we are working on daily in the home. That way when we have life events that test that trust they will know that I will remain steadfast and will be there to help them. There have been times I have asked the doctors to leave and give me a moment to talk to my child. It wasn’t a “popular” choice but it was the right choice and I don’t regret ever doing it. Truthfully, I can only think of 2 times I have had to do that.

We go over Scriptures regarding fear. Our favorite one is in 2nd Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. I can’t tell you when it happens, but it seems that this is always the first verse my children have memorized. Perhaps it’s just because they hear it so often when they are young and there are so many ‘fears’ to overcome.

We role play about what to expect, read books that are age appropriate and talk about visits to the doctor or dentist. We have a stethoscope here at home that the children use on the animals as well as other “tools” that may not be common in your household. Consider getting some of these things that your child would find in a doctor’s office. Use a Popsicle stick for a tongue depressor, a thermometer (teach them how to hold it under their tongue). Pretend to “prick” the end of their finger and talk about what they are looking for in that test. How a lack of iron can make us feel tired and foods to eat that have iron. You could also make an eye chart and put it in the house and have pretend eye exams. The options are unlimited!! Just remember, taking the ‘unexpected’ element out of the event helps prevent fear!

Let’s see what my children say about doctor visits, hurting and trusting Joe and I through the event.

Jed: Jed’s not home for me to ask him. :-)

Bekah: Don’t make them wear the gowns. Be patient with me. Just give me a little time to catch my breath and calm down. It makes it worse when I feel I am being rushed into something scary. (Taking your time with your child is a critical balance. It is something that is different in each situation. There are times we can wait and other times we have to ask our child to trust us. Think about little things like this that may be BIG issues to your child. Don’t make them do it if they aren’t needed just because that’s what the office practice is. Helping your child in this area can show them that you will advocate for them in the big issues too.)

Elisha: I think the most important thing is that you stay there with us. (This is a good point often doctor offices will ask the parents to leave. The thought is that the child will act up more with the parent there because they play on the parent’s sympathy. This isn’t true for children who have been trained to trust the parents and trained how to act in trying situations)

Bethany: Talk to them through it in words they understand. Holding them through it if possible. (Communication is a big thing in our house! Make sure you are communicating and if a doctor can do his exam while you hold the child then do that so that you can keep eye contact with the little one and talk to them in a soothing voice telling them how proud you are of them.)

Josiah: Answering all my questions. (Josiah once needed tetanus shot after stepping on a rusty nail. As the nurse started to give it to him the injection, he stopped her and said, “How many people have you used that thing on?” We knew that it had never been used on anyone before but to a child he had no idea. He thought she could have used it on a 100 children before him. Make sure you don’t take things for granted that your child understands all that is happening. Take time to answer their questions!)

Ezekiel: The parents telling the doctors what the child is afraid of. This helped me the most when we were at the hospital. (Telling doctors what your child is afraid of can help them revise their care if possible. Ezekiel has terrible fears of staples since he had those with his skin grafting from the burns he had prior to adoption. Because I let the doctor know that she used sutures that dissolve so that Ezekiel would not have that extra stress. There were other things I was advocating for Ezekiel about… such as not having to wear the hospital gowns, trimming the extra plastic on the bracelet that was bothering him, asking if he could eat now, and asking that they respect his privacy when having the X-rays done. All of these were very little things in the scope of what was happening and yet they were critical in helping Ezekiel feel like he had some power in the situation.)

Timothy: Singing songs with me always helped when I was having stitches. And I was happy you asked them to give me more shots when you saw it was hurting too bad. (Helping your child keep his attention on other things can help at times. Just make sure that you aren’t making it worse. Your child is going to know if you are trying to “hide” what is happening.  Also, if you see that your child is still hurting after they have given pain medicine, don’t be afraid to ask for more time for it to work or more medicine.)

Sarah: Singing songs, praying with me, and talking me through it was what always helps me the most. (Make eye contact with your child and talk to them and don’t be afraid to pray with them even when the hospital or doctor office staff is around.)

Sammy: It helps me when you tell me that I am safe and pray with me. (Sammy has FAS and has had some very real fears to overcome because of his neglect and inability to understand all that’s going on. Our phrase that we have used with him since he was an infant was, “It’s okay. You’re safe now.” We would always whisper this in his ear and still today he finds comfort in this phrase being whispered in his ear when he’s afraid.)

Matthew: I like going out afterwards for a snack. (There have been times we have gone out afterwards for a snack or goodie. We don’t always do this but it is fun when we do. We never threaten them or take this away from them if they cried or were afraid. Now, if they threw a fit and were just naughty of course I wouldn’t reward that behavior. There have been times they really struggled with a procedure that was done and I still went out afterwards with them. We talked about, I reassured them that I loved them and they did their best and I am proud of them.)

I hope this blog post has helped give you some ideas how you can make doctor appointments less traumatic for your child!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment in Training- Every Child’s Talent

I am often asked how I get it “all” done. My reply without fail is, “I don’t! I have lots and lots of helpful hands.”  Our home and farm life is a direct reflection of 12 individual people coming together with their talents, strengths and yes, weaknesses and using them to the Glory of God! From the moment my children are born we teach them that they have a vital role in the family. Our family can not do all that God has planned for us if we do not all work together in harmony. We continual express the Biblical directive to serve others, esteem others, and to lay down our lives for one another. My husband and I have had to be the first example of this type of love and service. We were created to serve for His Glory and we are honored to do so!  In fact in my home, there is no greater honor to strive for than to be called, A Servant of Christ. That is the highest honor that we can attain! Therefore, we must learn to crucify our selfish desires and lay down our lives daily for each other… starting right here in our home! Don’t fool yourself in thinking that your child can be so good and serve so well in public but is quite the opposite in your home. Sometimes you will see this type of “eye service” in children but that is the not the heart work that God desires. If a child truly has a heart of service they will be serving at home first and then in their church, community and the world. If they can not serve in the home then all they do in the public eye is of little worth. Here are some tips on how to train children in service in the home. If you have more to add to the list share them here for others to read. I am sure they are countless ideas!

• From infancy teach children they have worth. Give them a task they can do and praise them for a job well done. For example, in our home, children less than a year old are putting their toys away and books back on the shelf. We sit with them and encourage them as they “work” so hard for their family to make the home tidy. We encourage with our words saying things such as, “Good job!” “You’re such a great ‘picker upper’”  “Daddy is going to be so blessed by your tidiness!” “What a blessing you are!” “I’m so proud of you” “You are momma’s big helper!” and many other words of encouragement.

• When a child gets distracted we are right there to sing a song on picking up our toys or to direct them back to their task.

• We also lend a helpful hand! If we see a child struggling to carry a load of books up the stairs or difficulty in cleaning up we will quickly say, “Uh oh! Can I help you?” and we quickly rush to their aid. I also say things like, “I am so blessed to help you.”

• We are constantly observing and evaluating each child’s God given talents. When a child is strong in communication we teach them to be in charge of answering the phone, learning to take messages and give them to the appropriate person in a timely and accurate fashion. Having a child in charge of taking phone calls has given me so much time to be able to do other things for my family.  When I have a child that loves nature I put them in charge of the garden including all the planning. We of course all work on the garden as a family but that member of the family makes sure we are on schedule for watering, weeding and harvesting. I think you get the idea. Look at your child’s talents and then apply them in the home. You will be blessed by how victoriously your home can operate.

NOTE: I have learned over the years that often a child’s strength appears as a weakness. That is when their talent or strength is misdirected. We will talk about how they can use that character trait for God instead of “self”. For example, a child may have a lot of energy and uses it carelessly causing chaos and disorder. We talk and start apply strategies to use that energy for the good of the home. I’ve found it only takes a little training in this area and as soon as they start to get the positive encouragement and words of appreciation they not only stop causing disorder but actually starting bringing order and victory in our home! It is a fun transformation to watch and be part of.

I better run, I have a busy day ahead!

With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment of Training- Cultivating Thankfulness

This training moment actually took place at my home this weekend. My littlest one was having a difficult time not complaining. He was focusing on what He wanted instead of all that God had given him. After a time of conversation and helping him name six things he could be thankful for  he went about his day. Each time he would ask me for a snack or to do something he desired. I would ask him, "Can you tell me something you are thankful for?" He would then name something that he was truly thankful for. When we started out he was challenged to think of things to be thankful for because he was focused on what he didn't have. By the end of the day he would smile and name something he was thankful for and then skip away. Setting his attention on all that God has given him lightened his burden and cultivated an attitude of thanksgiving! I was blessed to watch the transformation take place before my eyes- I always am!

I might have this little exercise, training moment, go on for a few days. We will see how the Lord leads.
When you see an attitude in your child that does not honor the Lord, help them to develop the opposite trait that is God Honoring.

Here are just a few ideas we have done over the years:

Pride- esteem others better than yourself. Have children serve one another. Give them some creative ideas.. like doing the other child's chores. Or playing with a sibling instead of doing something they wanted.

Discontent- Give Thanks

Unkind words- have everyone go around the table and say something kind about the person next to them.

A Moment of Training- Obedience vs Sacrafice

A Moment in Training- Obedience is better than Sacrifice


I have found this training moment easily learned by my children. I believe it hits home in such a real way that they can understand the Biblical principles easily. 1 Samuel 15:22 tell us that obedience is better than sacrifice. How do we teach this to our children at a young age? In our home, it is not uncommon for a child to bring my Joe or me a handmade card or gift. They will make precious, creative, gifts out of extra lumber, craft supplies or whatever else they find. The smiles on their face as they hand me these treasures are just precious! We “ooh” and “awe” give hugs and kisses and really make a fuss over every gift they bring us. However, when we have a child that is struggling in immediate and cheerful obedience we begin talking about, sharing Scriptures on how the Lord desires us to obey when the time is finally right we sit down with the child or children and start asking a few questions.

“You know how you love to bring mommy and daddy gifts? You know how happy you make us? Did you know that your gifts mean nothing to me if you don’t immediately and cheerfully obey me?” God is the same way. He loves our gifts that we give cheerfully but they mean nothing to Him if we don’t obey His will? In fact, you might as well throw them in the trash… gifts mean nothing without obedience.”

My children get very serious and listen carefully as we continue to talk about God honoring obedience. We pray together and discuss how even as parents we must be watchful of our response to God and those He places in authority over us.

Dear Sisters, let me share with you about a real moment in my home years ago. The Lord opened my eyes to see my own error in this area. One day while I was helping the children in the house I kept asking my son to do this or that. Every time I asked him something he would reply, “Okay, just a minute.” By the end of the day I was quite exhausted with asking and always being told “just a minute.” I sat, late that night after the children had went to bed praying about it but didn’t feel any ‘answer’ to how the Lord would have me address the issue. The next day my Joe came home; as I sat nursing the baby, he called from the other room asking me if I would get something for him. Without thinking about it I replied, “Okay, just a minute.” Instantly, I realized that I had trained my children to respond to me like this because I had set the example by how I responded to their daddy. Later that day I shared the situation with my husband and we all talked as a family. I don’t ever remember saying or hearing those words since. It was a moment of training for Mommy as much as for the Children.

Teach your children the importance of immediate and cheerful obedience when they are little and continue all throughout their years. You won’t regret your efforts; for in due season you will reap what you have sown! Gal 6:7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.

May God be glorified!

Pro 21:3 To do justice and judgment is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice.

1Sa 15:22 And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.

Matthew 15: 21 But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work today in my vineyard. He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went. And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not. Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.

A Moment of Training- Shh... Don't touch.... Be Still!

Teaching some basic manners to our children can mean the difference between a peaceful day out in town or a stressful disaster you fear. Over the years, I have had countless people come to me and ask, "How can I get my toddler to sit quietly through church service?" or "How I can take seven children under the age of ten into a store without stress!" Don't expect your children to sit quiet through Church or keep their hands to themselves while walking through the store. Take the time to teach your children these simple manners in your own home where you can train them without the audience of the store employees or the choir!

 

 

 

• Here are a few training moments that we do in our home:
• We practice not wiggling or talking through Church service by having the same rules applied to our daily story time.  
• We practice not touching the "pretty's" in the store by teaching them not to touch certain items in the home.
• We teach the children to eat what is given to them and receive it with thanks by teaching them to have this same gracious behavior at meal time in our home.  
• We teach the children not to cry for items they want at the store by taking them shopping in advance, for the sole purpose of training.
• We teach them all the "traps" that have been set out for them. I show the children how the store puts the children cereal down low, at a child’s eye level so they will ask their mommy for it and cry to get their way. How toys are put next to baby diapers so that siblings will cry for a toy when the mommy is trying to buy diapers. How the candy is set next to the counter so the child will cry for candy and the mommy will buy it. I talk to the children about financial responsibility and how we don't buy impulsively.
• We have a family rule that you can't ask for anything once we enter the store. If a child wants to spend their money on something they have to ask before we enter. I never change the rules. They remain the same and the children have learned how to behave very graciously in public.

  

This has been a simple training moment in our home that has been used creatively and successfully. I hope you are able to take some ideas and apply them to the training moments the Lord is creating in your own home. There are many other 'little' tips but I will save those for another post!

 

 

 

Have a wonderful day friends,

 

Mrs. Joseph Wood

 

 

 

A Moment of Training - Why I don't count

Good Morning Friends!
Christmas is soon to arrive as well as family to help us celebrate our Lord's birth! The Wood family home has been full of activity and joy! The children have enjoyed signing for different retirement homes in the community with some local families, snowmen made by the children have adorned my yard, cookies and cheesecake have been made as we celebrate this special Season, animals are all settled in the barn where they can stay warm and out of the cold KS weather while Joe and I continue to grow together in Grace and look forward to all our tomorrows together! These are truly precious days!

This morning Bekah and I were talking about some training tips and I thought I should come and share with you, our friends, as well. May the Lord be glorified in each of our homes as we minister to His people! 

I am sure you have all heard a parent give a directive to their child and then follow it with, "1..... 2.... Johnny, you better obey.....3......"  or maybe you have even done it yourself. Let me share with you why I have never counted for my children to obey and what we have done instead. 

When you count for your children to obey you are actually teaching them to disobey until you get to 3! You are teaching them that they don't have to listen to your requests until you are angry, or until they have exhausted mercy. Most children never obey at one; they wait till 3 or don't obey at all!  In my opinion counting is nonproductive and a training method to avoid! 

So, if you aren’t suppose to count what do you do? 

First, before you get started you need to prayerfully decide if this is an area the Lord wants you to train your child in at this moment. Remember, God doesn't show us our sin until He equips us to overcome it. That is why each of us are always growing, always being transformed in His image as He opens our eyes to sin and then shows us how to overcome it. Let's do the same for our children! 

BEFORE we train a child in any area we must decide if they are old enough for this responsibility. If they are not, then it is up to me to remove the temptation or trial from them BEFORE it is an issue! When my babies are little and I am ‘baby proofing’ the home, I took the example I found in Genesis for knowing what to remove and what to leave out. God left only one tree that Adam and Eve were not to eat from therefore I use this concept and do the same.  I leave ONLY one item the child is not allowed to touch.  everything else they have free access too. Then, I work to teach them from very early days not to touch that one item. I have had some stronger willed children than others. In fact, I think God gave me more than my share of strong personalities. However, even with children who have amazing determination, they too can learn it is more fun to live within the boundaries given than in their own chaos.

Here are a few ideas:

• Speak sweetly but with clear direction- When you give your child a directive such as, “Don’t touch the presents" your child should know to listen to your voice the first time, when you give your directive in a kind and loving voice. Be careful not to train your children to only obey when they hear your voice has reached a level of exasperation. (Personal note: I always used a very soft voice for times of serious instruction so that my children would learn it was that quiet voice that was most powerful!) 
• Expect obedience- If a child continues to touch the presents, depending on age and level of maturity, you must train them to obey. We use songs regarding obedience as reminders, charts on the refrigerator talking about obedience and a host of other things.
• Train them to obey- For a young child you may need to physically remove them from the presents and say, “Mommy told you, don’t touch the presents.” I would often place my children a good distance from the object but still allow them access to return and disobey, if they chose to do so. At the same time, depending on age, I always provided another activity or task to keep them busy.  
• Praise them- Praise them for choosing to do what's right. Even if it is only for a split second that they chose to do what was right. If they participate in an activity with you and keep looking over at the present, make comments such as: “I’m so proud of you for obeying mommy!” or “God is watching you and so proud of you right now!” 
• Discipline them if they refuse instruction- If they insist on going back and touching the presents then they must be disciplined. I would say, “Oh, no! Mommy told you don’t touch the presents. You must choose to do what is right.” Remember, the discipline would need to be age appropriate. 
• Be consistent! - Repeat the training session as needed! After the discipline, let’s say sitting on the couch in time out, the child is then allowed to make the choice again. This continues until the lesson is learned. Some days and issues take longer than others yet, we must be faithful to train our children and not become lazy in our duties as mother to the Kings people!  

There is so much to this subject of early training to discuss. Let me hear from you and your questions so that I address what is important to you. Do you have questions about something I said? Need more clarification or more practical suggestions? Just let me know and please… pray about the issue of counting… is it really training your children in Godliness?

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood

M.O.M.'s Mailbox- Potty Training

Question- Can you share with me how you potty train your children? How long does potty training normally take at your house and what age do you typically train them at?

Answer- There are so many unique factors to consider before I answer this question. Let me share the process I take before I begin potty training and then some of the tips I have utilized while training.  I hope this will prove helpful for you. I love sharing with others how the Lord has led us over the years. Just remember, God equipped you to minister to the needs of your little one; He will faithfully lead you!
With much Love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

Is my child ready to be potty trained?  Well, the real question might be, "Am I ready for my child to be potty trained?" Training our children in any manner requires that we are disciplined, consistent, loving, and cheerfully patient. I need to first order my days and life schedule so that I won't be pulled in too many directions. I want to offer all the time and energy that is needed to training my little one. After this question is answered then I ask myself if my child is ready. I look for developmental clues that tell me he/she is ready for this adventure in training or not.

Here are a few questions I ask myself: 

• Does my child tell me with words or gestures that they need to go potty or have went potty? 
• Is my child able to pull his/her pants down? 
• Does my child act uncomfortable when they have soiled their diaper?
• Is my child waking up from naps or bedtime with a dry diaper?
• Does my child have an interest in being "big" and wearing "big" girl/boy undies?

I start talking about potty training and giving little training moments very casually before I ever dive into officially training them (talking about the toilet, letting them help me pick out 'big' girl panties, I even start telling them every time I need to go potty). I check my calendar and make sure I have a week stretch of just staying at home and working with my little one. I also make sure my little one is not dealing with sickness, teething, or a character issue that would make this training time unbearable.

Once I have decided that now is a good time for both child and myself to begin this adventure. I buy a bag of skittles (the large one) and put them in a see through jar. I then tell the little one that every time they go potty in the toilet they get one skittle. I set my oven timer to 15 minutes and EVERY 15 minutes I take them to the restroom talking about going potty. When they finally go potty, even if just a drop, I praise them and give them a candy. I make a very big deal out of it and the entire home cheers. Daddy gets a phone call, grandma gets a phone call! It's a big, BIG, deal! Then I keep taking them potty and talking about it with them every 15 minutes (when they are awake) for 1 to 2 weeks. I have never needed to train them longer than two weeks. I have trained all my children in this manner and then recently a sweet 2 year old that my daughter was baby sitting. It's worked with all of them without any tears or stressful days for either of us!

I don't expect them to not have an accident at nap time or bed time until they start waking up with a dry diaper. Some children develop slower than others. Some of my children have been potty trained in the day time and nap time however, bedtime was just too long of a stretch for them. In those situations, I try to wake a 1/2 hour earlier and see if that doesn't help them. If they still have wet diapers in the morning. I just keep talking to them about it and eventually they develop and no longer need the diaper at night time.

Potty training should be like all other training at our home and requires that I remain gentle and understanding that this is all new to my little one. They weren't born with a desire to use the potty. It is my job to show them the benefits of doing so in a loving, cheerful, consistent and patient manner!

Potty training should NEVER include: 

• Guilt
• Shame
• Anger
• Pain

You asked, " How long does potty training normally take at your house?"  Potty training typically takes 2 weeks to a month to be complete yet, some of my children have learned in a day and never had an accident after their first day of training.

You asked, "what age do you typically train them at?" I would say 18 months to 2 1/2 years old was the most common time I was training a child. I found that if I waited too long after they showed the developmental signs of being 'ready' it was actually harder to train them. Don't ask me why- I don't know- I just know that in my observations that is what I have witnessed.

I hope that by sharing what I have done in my home it is helpful as you minister faithfully to your own family! Take a deep breath, give this matter to prayer and then faithfully do as He leads you! You are blessed!!

Because of His Love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

M.O.M.'s Mailbox- Sibling Relationships and Laundry issues

Greetings dear friends!

This week has just zoomed by here in the Wood household! Thank you to everyone who writes us, shares with us and trusts us to pray for you. We are blessed to know each of you and thankful for the friendships the Father has allowed us to make throughout the years. 

This week there were a few questions I wanted to share with you. 

Question: I have three children ages 9, 7, and 3. the two oldest are girls and the youngest a boy. The 7 and 3 yr. old get along wonderfully. The 9 and 7yr. old get along well. However the 9 and 3yr. old are like vinegar and oil! How do I foster a better friendship with these two? They are both strong-willed and control oriented. Being the oldest and the youngest doesn't help either. Any advice?

Answer: Sibling relationships have been an issue since Cain and Abel. Haven't they? There is the unspoken expectation in our society that siblings should not get along with one another. I would encourage you to guard your children from this lie and share with them the treasure they have with each other. There are many examples we can take from Scripture to gain insight into how to develop proper, Biblical relationships within our own family. I would encourage you to read the passages from Scripture where we see sibling relationships discussed. Take your time, don't rush through them... really read them, and talk about them with the children. Consider how they can see themselves and their own behavior as they listen to the story. 

Here are just a few examples: 

Cain and Able: Talk about bitterness, resentment and how it destroys everyone involved

Jacob and Esau: Talk about Rebekah's struggle to control situations. Share if you struggle with this yourself. Share about the hurt, the foolishness to give up a birth right, the forgiveness in later years

Joseph and his 11 brothers: The pride, the hatred, the resentment, the sin to do evil instead or repent, the forgiveness in later years, the pain that poor sibling relationship caused on the father and themselves for all those years.

Share the story of the brothers who carried their brother with palsy up onto the roof and lowered him down with his bed for Jesus to heal him. Talk about the love, the sacrifice and the work for their sibling. 

I would also bring my children's attention to the fact that as a family we must make a promise to work together, to love together and to help one another where we struggle. I would share the importance that their relationship has on the entire household.  I would also set up some clear guidelines on how Biblical order works in our home. I would encourage the older child to lead the younger with love and grace while I encouraged the younger to submit to the older cheerfully. 

Sibling relationships are critical to the success of the family. Don't grow weary in well doing. Continue to work with your children through their struggles and always, always keep them a priority in your prayer life. 

With much love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood

Question: I'm changing our laundry/clothing system because there are TOO many clothes in the house! I'm needing feedback as to how you are doing this. How many set of clothes does each child have? I have one room with shelves for all the younger kids clothes. That is working well, because it's not all over their rooms, but the shelves are overflowing and I'm just washing too much. But not sure how to do this with little ones growing in and out of clothes all the time. 

I would really appreciate any feedback you could pass my way. Thanks!

Answer: You're familiar with the phrase, "Lion, tigers and bears oh my!" Well, I suppose we could change that to, "Dishes, Toilets and Laundry, oh my!" Laundry is a constant issue for evaluation in my home. After years of 'practice' I no longer feel bogged down by this daily duty. However, before I share with you where I am today, let me share where I once was. 

When my Joe and I were first married I was what I call 'domestically challenged.' I often tease that had marriage required a resume I would still be single! We had burnt meals, laundry piles that were larger than life, empty diaper bags on 10 hour trips, dishes that I would throw away instead of wash.... and the list could go on! I was a mess! So, how did that woman become the woman I am today? I can only suggest that as the Lord transformed my heart it spilled over into my home as well. As I began to understand Him as a God of order, I desired to display that character in my own life. What a journey this process has been! After many years, much prayer and lots of gleaning from others here is how the Wood family does laundry. 

First, keep in mind that I am married to a man that likes the laundry basket empty every night.  In order to meet this desire of his I had to come up with a plan that would work for our family. I realize that it may not work or even be desired by any other home.

Let me tell you the first 'horror' of my system. I don't sort laundry. Nope- I sure don't! If I did that it would mean that I would have laundry in the basket waiting for enough 'whites' or dark colored clothes and I would then fail to meet the desire of my husband. Each day we do put similar clothes in the loads or take out 'special clothes' but we have no official sorting system. Because clothes get brought up each morning, we typically have a boy’s load, a mom and dad load, a girl’s load, and a bathroom and kitchen load. On a normal day we tend to do four loads of laundry. On days with deep cleaning projects we may have six to eight loads of laundry to do. 

Secondly, I have everyone in the house help with laundry. Because I use natural cleaning products I don't mind having the children help in the laundry room. Everyone that can reach the dial can do every step of the laundry process. For my two little ones they take clothes from the dryer and fold and put away the clothes. NO clothes are allowed lying on furniture or in a room. They must all be hung up or folded and put away nicely at the time the load of laundry is done. This keeps the rooms staying clean throughout the day. 

Thirdly, I'll tell you a little secret that others may find as another 'downfall' to my system. We don't let the children have many clothes. I found that when they have too many clothes then I am doing unnecessary laundry! I'll find myself washing something I've never seen them wear simply because they left it lying around or didn't have anywhere else to throw it except the laundry basket. Therefore, in our home, each child only has 3 jeans, 5 shirts, 3 pj's and then five undergarments for daily wear. They also have three 'dress' outfits that are kept neat and tidy in a container under my bed. We also keep a few pairs of socks in the bucket (we buy them with colored soles so we know the difference) to make going out not so stressful. Every child knows what their 'dress' clothes look like and that they are washed only with other 'dress' clothes and then promptly put back under mom’s bed. 

This decluttering of the closets has made a tremendous impact on my laundry room and our home organization. It has also helped us save money and keep the children looking nice when we go out in public! The only time this system has failed us is when clothes have been given to us and I don't first clean out what we no longer need. The children have learned that they like not being bogged down with laundry as well and will often tell me, "Mom, we need to go through our closets again we seem too be collecting to many clothes." Everyone in the house feels a freedom with this system but it did take us a little while to get use to the 'less is more' philosophy. 

I know that each home is unique and the desires of your husband or needs of your children may make my laundry system impractical or impossible. Just take what you feel the Lord is leading you to do and then do it faithfully. You will find He leads perfectly... even in the midst of laundry! 

With much love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood

M.O.M.'s Mailbox- Complaining in the house

Question- I have a seven year old and a three year old who both complain about EVERYTHING! I don't know how to get them to stop. Before they even ask me to help them or get them something they start in complaining that they want or 'need' something. It is very frustrating and I don't know how to get them to stop. Any suggestions?


Answer- There are a few things for us to address. First, as always, take this matter to prayer. Ask the Lord to show you the root behind the sin. Yes, complaining is a sin! It's important to ask Him to expose any areas in your own life where you may be showing the children an example of a complaining spirit. Most often, I have found that when there is a sin in my home many times it is something I am struggling with myself. With that said, here are a few thoughts and practical teaching moments you can pray about using in your own home.

In our home, when children are very young, we begin teaching them not to complain. Here are some things you might want to consider:
Developmental Stage- Keep in mind that when children are growing they can often become frustrated trying to communicate. They haven't yet figured out how to put words together or explain what they are wanting. If we don't carefully attend to them in this normal developmental stage it can turn into a habit of complaining.
Take time to help them find the right word for what they are wanting to say, spend some time saying it with them. Listen carefully to the 'sound' they may be using to repeat you. For example: If they want up, teach them to say, "up" instead of crying or whining for their way. You might notice that they can't yet make the 'p' sound so their version of saying "up" would sound more like, "u". That's okay! Reward them for that and make a mental note that "u" means up. When you hear them say, "u" quickly reward them by picking them up and repeat the word, "up" to them correctly so they can learn to communicate with you. Do this with all words that you are teaching. Give them words for what they are whining about and make mental notes of their 'baby language.' During this time, you often hear everyone in the house saying to the little one, "use your words" and then giving them the word for what they child is reaching for or whining for. We have found that when we have done this diligently this stage is quickly and painlessly passed through!
Emotional and Physical Needs- Having worked with many neglected children, we have learned that children who have not had their needs met in a timely and positive manner learn they must demand or complain to get what they want. They learn to be very self centered and just have a countenance of "get out of my way and give me what I want". When these children learn that they can trust you to provide their needs they become less demanding. I am not saying your child has been neglected however, I am saying that everyone has the emotional need to be cared for in a timely and positive manner. Some children have more of an emotional need than others. Take time to make sure you are meeting their needs in a very personal way. Schedules can help reinforce that you are meeting their needs and might be something you want to consider. If you have a child that complains to eat or for snacks make sure you write out when the meals and snacks are. You might even want to post your menu up on the refrigerator. Post times and use pictures for non readers to understand what time to expect a snack or meal. Go over it with them before posting it and then each time they ask for a snack or meal, take them to the chart, show them the clock and teach them to expect that need to be met. This is a great opportunity to teach them some life and academic skills in the process. Older children could even help you make the menu.
Sin- There comes a time where the complaining is simply a sin and the child must be corrected. It is the sin of being self seeking and discontent. The Lord tells us to do all things without murmering or complaining (Philippians 2:14). It is a  blessing to not have complaining in our homes (Psalm 144: 14). Take time to train your children to do all things without complaining. We will often use songs while we work. There is a variety of Christian music for children that teach them character traits. When we have a child that is complaining about obeying, we will sing, "O-B-E-Y- Obey your mom and dad.O-B-E-Y- makes them very glad. Listen to the words they say, obey your parents every day. O-B-E-Y.. obey your mom and dad.. ya, ya!" It is a fun song we heard years ago, when my oldest boy was only a toddler, and has been sang in our home many, many times. Another important reminder is to teach your children to consider others instead of themselves and show them fun ways to do so! Continually remind them to use their words, calm down, and talk to them about how they could think of what someone else would like instead of just what they would like. Any time you see them considering others needs or desires, praise them! Let them know how much it means to you. When you see them talk calmly about something instead of complaining like they typically would do, praise them! Praise goes a long way when we are raising our children. I am afraid most families don't praise their children near as much as they should!

Finally, be patient! Don't lose your peace! Speak calmly, redirect their attention, encourage proper behavior, and let them know you want to help them if they will ask nicely. Remember, God created you perfectly to be your child's mother to teach them and train them in godliness. You can do it!
With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment of Training 9/04/09

Hello Friends!
This week the Lord impressed upon my heart to give the children a visual and tasty :-) lesson in always being ready for His return. I pray you are encouraged! 

Here's what happened: 

All the children were sitting in the living room waiting for Bible Study when I entered with cookies in my hand and said, "Who has wholeheartidly lived for God today?" A child would raise their hand and I would ask, "Really? You did all your chores as unto the Lord? Did you esteem others better than yourself? Did you joyfully serve your family?" Some children answered yes and were given a cookie. Others responded with a face of disappointment and said, "No..I didn't live wholeheartidly for the Lord momma. I could have done much better." "Okay, well thank you for being honest. I am not telling anyone what their answer is, only you and the Lord know the Truth." As I sat down I reminded the children that Jesus was returning and His reward was with Him (Isaiah 62:11). We also pointed out that His reward was much more than a cookie. We had a wonderful family discussion and everyone was given another cookie as we discussed ways to help each other remember to live each moment for the Lord.  This morning I overheard the children talking about the return of Christ. With excitement they were encouraging each other in well doing and I too was encouraged! 

Dear Friends, when Jesus came to Earth he spoke to the people through parables that they could relate too. We need to remember to do the same in our child training techniques. Take time to consider how you can share Truth in a memorable way with your little ones. The Father is faithful and He will give you training moments that will yield a bountiful crop of Righteousness! 

With much love, 

Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment of Training8/22/09

Teaching children how to communicate is something that is not isolated to one household or one personality type! We have found wisdom in training our children in proper skills for communication. Here are two fun ideas we have used in our home throughout the years. Each idea was originally shared with us by precious friends and Sisters in Christ.

Here's an idea to teach children to keep an coversation going.

Teach children that when someone talks to them to pretend that what they are really wanting to do is play ball. If they only give one word answers then they are holding onto the ball. To demonstate this concept, get a ball and have the children sit on the floor. The person holding the ball is allowed to speak. You can't throw the ball unless you say something more than one word.

For example:

Bekah has ball and while tossing it to Elisha says: "Hi! My name is Bekah what's your's?"

Elisha now has the ball. He replies, "Elisha Wood, it's nice to meet you" (now he can throw it back to her)

Bekah then says: "Do you come to these dances often?" (she throws the ball back to Elisha)

Elisha has the ball and says: "Yes, we have come to a few. How about you?"

This may sound easy but for children who are use to giving short answers this takes some training. We have fun with this game and it is a good visual for them to remember when we are out in public.

What about those children that have LOTS to say. How do you keep them focused on caring about others and giving others an opportunity to share? Many years ago a friend shared this idea with me. Before you are allowed to talk about yourself you must ask the other person three questions of interst about themselves.

For example:

Bekah: "Hi Elisha! Do you enjoy art?" (question 1)

Elisha: "Yes, art is a favorite of mine."

Bekah: "Really? Who is your favorite artist?"
Elisha: "That would be hard for me to say. I enjoy several different artists"

Bekah: "I love to travel and see the vareity of artists displayed across the country. Have you been out of state?" (question 2)

Elisha: "Yes. I have visted several states"

Bekah: "Really, which ones?"

Elisha: "I use to live in CA so I visted each state that we crossed to get to KS. I am also taking a trip with my grandparents to Wash. D.C. next Spring."

Bekah: "WOW! I would love to go to Wash. D.C."

Bekah: "I really enjoyed my trip to TX. I took a tour and learned a great deal about John F. Kenndy and L.B.J. Do you enjoy studing government?" (question3)

Elisha: "I find some of it interesting."

After this point Bekah is now able to talk about whatever interest she has. She has asked her three questions. It use to make Joe and I giggle when we watched our oldest boy, Jed, talk with others. You could see on his face when he had reached his third question and he could finally tell them something that was so exciting to him.

I hope this has helped give you some ideas for your own family. I would love to hear how the Lord leads you so please feel free to share!

Have a wonderful weekend friends!

Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment of Training 7/02/09

Today's Training Moment goes with our Proverbs. It is a smiple activity that we have done in our home on many occasions. Enjoy!

We must teach our children to search for wisdom just as if they were searching for gold!

Do your children know how to read the Bible? Do they know the books of the Bible? Who wrote them and when? Can they tell you the Ten Commandments? Their purpose? What about the days of creation, the fruit of the spirit, the armor of God and the beatitudes? These are just a few of questions the Wood family goes through on a weekly if not daily basis. What about Bible Study tools, do your children know how to use a concordance and commentary? If you personally don't understand these, jot me an email and I would be more than happy to help you. You aren't alone! I can think of two women, just this last week, that asked me how to use these tools.

To help my children understand the value and really examine themselves regarding this Truth of seeking Wisdom I have often done the following:

"Children, if I were to tell you that there was gold on our property what would you do?"

"SEARCH FOR IT!" they replied

"Really? Are you sure?" I question. Then some of the children start telling me what tools they will use and where they are going to look and I just keep listening curiously.

"Hmm... well, then why don't I see you searching for Wisdom like you tell me you would search for gold? Gold is temporary and as lovely as it may be to have some it's nothing in comparison to Wisdom."

Many of the children were quiet... faces showed deep thought as they considered, "What do my actions say I believe?"

I have also done the following:

During your daily Bible study consider having children look up words in the concordance and dictionary. Take time to ask them questions about the Scriptures and what they mean perhaps you will even want to look in your commentary and see what those notes have to say.

To help the younger children learn to seek out Wisdom, I have written on yellow or gold paper "bits of wisdom" to help them do what is right. I would suggest you write the seven things God hates as well as what He loves. One item on each card and discuss them as they find them throughout the day. Don't dedicate time for them to go search for them. Tell them to search for them as they live, as they do their chores, as they go about their regular activities.

Supplies we use:

Yellow or Gold paper

Strongs Concordance

Matthew Henry Commentary

Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary

Judy Rogers- Teach me while my heart is tender CD (song for the seven things God hates)

Scriptures:

7 things God hates- Proverbs 6:16-19

What God loves- Psalm 45:7

To please God- Hebrews 11:16

God gives grace to: James 4: 6, 1 Peter 5:5

There are so many more Scriptures I could share but time won't allow today! May the Lord fill your homes with grace as you seek Wisdom!

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood