M.O.M.’s Mailbox- Courting vs. Dating

This last Sunday I asked those on our Facebook page and Twitter account what one question would they ask me if they could. This week, I will be answering all of those questions here on the blog. If you have a question and would like to send it to me you can do so by emailing me at: momentswithmom@gmail.com I will share as the Lord allows and hopefully I can answer all the questions that come in.
Have a wonderful week Ladies!

Question: Mine would be how to encourage my children to court and not "date" when they attend public schools and are around secular people all day.

Answer: The first verse that comes to mind is in Proverbs 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.  As parents, it is our duty to teach children how to be in the world but not part of the world. We are friendly and show love toward all yet, we do not walk in unity with the world. We do not behave as they do or take up their beliefs, traditions or ideology. We are to be separate, peculiar people.

(Deut. 14: 2 for thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God, and the Lord hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth. Titus 2: 14 Who gave himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.  1 Peter 2: 9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hat called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.)

I know that this is not easily accomplished. We can’t just tell our children these things. They must have a heart transformation in this area and understand for themselves why we would keep ourselves not only physically pure but emotionally pure as well. There is so much pressure that kids go through to fit in. We have had our share of tears, rejection, and struggles.

• I have had to pray without ceasing, encourage, and support my children when they come to this Season of life. I am always talking to my children about the fact that they will come to a time in their lives where everything we have taught them will be just that, “lessons taught” however, one day they will be “lessons applied” or “lessons learned”.  As they move into a closer relationship with the Lord it is no longer “dad and moms ideas” it becomes redefined as “THEIR” idea.
• There have been countless times I have had to stop what I was doing and just go on a “date” with one of my children so they could talk and share what they were thinking and feeling. In those moments, I do more listening than talking. This refining that takes place is a good thing even though it can be painful time.
• I have to carefully watch for the subtle signals that show me my children are hurting or struggling. We are big about communicating in my house however, everyone has times when they don’t know how to say what they feel. I look for those signs and fervently minister to my child as the Lord shows me. Sometimes He leads me to say something, sometimes He leads me to just spend more time with them so I’m there if they need me.
• My Joe and I are careful to weed out friendships that may be harmful to our children and go out of our way to encourage friendships with others who would be a blessing to our child. There have been times in our lives where we laid down our own plans so that our children could fellowship with others we knew would give them encouragement in the ways the Lord was leading them. We are constantly teaching the children of their worth in the sight of God. A "Princess" doesn't live as the world! They don’t have to remain in hurtful relationships. We teach them how to walk away from the ‘friendship’ before there is strife and how to do so with grace.

Bekah and Jed are not home so I thought I would ask Beth-Joy, my soon to be 15 year old how and what her daddy and I do that she has found most helpful in this area. Here is her response:

“Although my mother has taught me many things. One of the most important things my Momma taught me was to keep my heart pure while I wait for the man that God has created for me to be a helpmeet too. My Momma has taught me to lead a different type of life than most girls my age. My parents and I have seen the results of taking the road that the world takes and those are not the results that I desire in my life. That is why I chose, for myself, to take the road that is less traveled. I have learned that right now, even though it doesn’t feel good to be different, when I get married I will be able to tell my husband, “I waited for you”. The young ladies of the world can’t say that. If I am patient and wait while I live under my Fathers protection I will a live a much better and joyful life. My momma is always telling me that God created me for a reason. My family needs me and I need them. I have learned the importance of being joyful in each Season of life. This Season is one of the most important Seasons of my life; I am always asking my parents for prayer.”

In her note to us you can see that Beth-Joy shares what she was taught and then what she has chose. I didn’t ask her anything except, “Beth, what have daddy and I done or taught you about remaining pure?” The above note was her reply. I think the most important gem that we can see is a young lady who was taught wisdom and then applied it for herself as her conviction. She doesn’t live out my convictions, she has a personal relationship with the Lord and follows Him as He is leading her through her personal devotions and the daily instruction she receives through her father and I teaching her the Word. Without fail, every day, my children hear the Word of God from their father reading it to them or myself.

This has been a long reply. I hope it offered you an answer you feel you can apply in your own home. I appreciate your question and thank you for trusting me to share. I am blessed to share as the Lord opens doors to do so.

With much love,
Mrs.. Joseph Wood