M.O.M.'s Mailbox- Developing the Fruit of the Spirit in our Children

Question: My boy is struggling with being out of control- during the course of just one day he can go from overly excited saying, "This is the best day of my life!!!! to being very depressed and moping around spreading his bad attitude to the rest of us. His attitude is affected by his circumstances.

In addition to that problem, he is very out of control with his body- I don't think it is his age- because he seems to be a little clumsy, too- but when he is having the best day of his life- he is jumping around, spinning, flailing limbs- oh, when he plays swords with his brother, he is always hurting him- not at all out of anger, but out of not controlling himself. I don't know how to handle it at all, really. He isn't doing it out of disobience or anything wrong in his heart- but I don't know what to do to get him to have control in these situations. One example- he is always jumping onto the couch by spinning- I always have him leave the room and walk back in and do it again, but it seems most situations aren't that easy.

My main question for you is can you tell me Bible verses that will help with the mood swing problem and if you can think of any wisdom for the second problem I would be delighted!

Thanks for reading this! :)

Answer: Hello dear friend! Thank you so much for your patience!!! 

I pray that He will show you how, with consitancy, this can be a simply training moment in your sweet boys' life. It will give him such great victory if he learns this Fruit of the Spirit, called Self Control.

I would suggest that his emotions going from one extreme to the other is an extension of his lack of self control. Children must learn to take "every thought captive", to "walk in the Spirit at all times" and to crucify their flesh on a moment by moment basis (we mommies even need to do that!). My children can deny their childish desire of wanting to jump on furniture because I have trained them to do so.. they weren't born that way believe me. :-) Here are few things I did when they were little.

Here are a few things we can do practically to help them:

Review verses that discuss the Fruit of the Spirit- Self Control.

Train them with visuals as reminders and rewards: We use to have a 'tree' that was made out of construction paper hanging on the wall. On the tree I placed the "Fruits of the Spirit" and laminated them with contact paper. Then I had velco that stuck them to the tree.. when a child was 'caught' bearing one of these fruits they were able to wear it through the day pinned on their shirt. I would have a surprise gift for them and every so often and pick one of the fruits to bear a gift such as a trip to ice cream with mommy, picking their favorite meal for dinner or me hanging a flag in their honor.

Reevaluate your home and make sure your home rules are clearly laid out. If not, review them again with the children. Children left to themselves and not given clear boundaries and guidelines are out of control. We use to use the 21 rules of this house by Greg Harris with our children when they were little.

Make sure you are giving him the attention he needs. I don't mean for you to give him too much attention. However, in the past you have mentioned to me how smart he is and advanced in his academics. If he is not feeling challenged and often left feeling 'bored' he will have a harder time with self control because the mind is just so busy. Make sure his time is ordered and he knows that he is vital to the success of the home. I would encourage you to see if there weren't some more responsibilities you could give him that would be a blessing to you and also teach him discipline of his time.

Those are some of the things I can think of quickly to share now. Let me know if you have more questions! I always love hearing from you!

Mrs. Joseph Wood