M.O.M.’s Mailbox- Courting vs. Dating

This last Sunday I asked those on our Facebook page and Twitter account what one question would they ask me if they could. This week, I will be answering all of those questions here on the blog. If you have a question and would like to send it to me you can do so by emailing me at: momentswithmom@gmail.com I will share as the Lord allows and hopefully I can answer all the questions that come in.
Have a wonderful week Ladies!

Question: Mine would be how to encourage my children to court and not "date" when they attend public schools and are around secular people all day.

Answer: The first verse that comes to mind is in Proverbs 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.  As parents, it is our duty to teach children how to be in the world but not part of the world. We are friendly and show love toward all yet, we do not walk in unity with the world. We do not behave as they do or take up their beliefs, traditions or ideology. We are to be separate, peculiar people.

(Deut. 14: 2 for thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God, and the Lord hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth. Titus 2: 14 Who gave himself for us, that He might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto Himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works.  1 Peter 2: 9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hat called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.)

I know that this is not easily accomplished. We can’t just tell our children these things. They must have a heart transformation in this area and understand for themselves why we would keep ourselves not only physically pure but emotionally pure as well. There is so much pressure that kids go through to fit in. We have had our share of tears, rejection, and struggles.

• I have had to pray without ceasing, encourage, and support my children when they come to this Season of life. I am always talking to my children about the fact that they will come to a time in their lives where everything we have taught them will be just that, “lessons taught” however, one day they will be “lessons applied” or “lessons learned”.  As they move into a closer relationship with the Lord it is no longer “dad and moms ideas” it becomes redefined as “THEIR” idea.
• There have been countless times I have had to stop what I was doing and just go on a “date” with one of my children so they could talk and share what they were thinking and feeling. In those moments, I do more listening than talking. This refining that takes place is a good thing even though it can be painful time.
• I have to carefully watch for the subtle signals that show me my children are hurting or struggling. We are big about communicating in my house however, everyone has times when they don’t know how to say what they feel. I look for those signs and fervently minister to my child as the Lord shows me. Sometimes He leads me to say something, sometimes He leads me to just spend more time with them so I’m there if they need me.
• My Joe and I are careful to weed out friendships that may be harmful to our children and go out of our way to encourage friendships with others who would be a blessing to our child. There have been times in our lives where we laid down our own plans so that our children could fellowship with others we knew would give them encouragement in the ways the Lord was leading them. We are constantly teaching the children of their worth in the sight of God. A "Princess" doesn't live as the world! They don’t have to remain in hurtful relationships. We teach them how to walk away from the ‘friendship’ before there is strife and how to do so with grace.

Bekah and Jed are not home so I thought I would ask Beth-Joy, my soon to be 15 year old how and what her daddy and I do that she has found most helpful in this area. Here is her response:

“Although my mother has taught me many things. One of the most important things my Momma taught me was to keep my heart pure while I wait for the man that God has created for me to be a helpmeet too. My Momma has taught me to lead a different type of life than most girls my age. My parents and I have seen the results of taking the road that the world takes and those are not the results that I desire in my life. That is why I chose, for myself, to take the road that is less traveled. I have learned that right now, even though it doesn’t feel good to be different, when I get married I will be able to tell my husband, “I waited for you”. The young ladies of the world can’t say that. If I am patient and wait while I live under my Fathers protection I will a live a much better and joyful life. My momma is always telling me that God created me for a reason. My family needs me and I need them. I have learned the importance of being joyful in each Season of life. This Season is one of the most important Seasons of my life; I am always asking my parents for prayer.”

In her note to us you can see that Beth-Joy shares what she was taught and then what she has chose. I didn’t ask her anything except, “Beth, what have daddy and I done or taught you about remaining pure?” The above note was her reply. I think the most important gem that we can see is a young lady who was taught wisdom and then applied it for herself as her conviction. She doesn’t live out my convictions, she has a personal relationship with the Lord and follows Him as He is leading her through her personal devotions and the daily instruction she receives through her father and I teaching her the Word. Without fail, every day, my children hear the Word of God from their father reading it to them or myself.

This has been a long reply. I hope it offered you an answer you feel you can apply in your own home. I appreciate your question and thank you for trusting me to share. I am blessed to share as the Lord opens doors to do so.

With much love,
Mrs.. Joseph Wood

A Moment in Training- Every Child’s Talent

I am often asked how I get it “all” done. My reply without fail is, “I don’t! I have lots and lots of helpful hands.”  Our home and farm life is a direct reflection of 12 individual people coming together with their talents, strengths and yes, weaknesses and using them to the Glory of God! From the moment my children are born we teach them that they have a vital role in the family. Our family can not do all that God has planned for us if we do not all work together in harmony. We continual express the Biblical directive to serve others, esteem others, and to lay down our lives for one another. My husband and I have had to be the first example of this type of love and service. We were created to serve for His Glory and we are honored to do so!  In fact in my home, there is no greater honor to strive for than to be called, A Servant of Christ. That is the highest honor that we can attain! Therefore, we must learn to crucify our selfish desires and lay down our lives daily for each other… starting right here in our home! Don’t fool yourself in thinking that your child can be so good and serve so well in public but is quite the opposite in your home. Sometimes you will see this type of “eye service” in children but that is the not the heart work that God desires. If a child truly has a heart of service they will be serving at home first and then in their church, community and the world. If they can not serve in the home then all they do in the public eye is of little worth. Here are some tips on how to train children in service in the home. If you have more to add to the list share them here for others to read. I am sure they are countless ideas!

• From infancy teach children they have worth. Give them a task they can do and praise them for a job well done. For example, in our home, children less than a year old are putting their toys away and books back on the shelf. We sit with them and encourage them as they “work” so hard for their family to make the home tidy. We encourage with our words saying things such as, “Good job!” “You’re such a great ‘picker upper’”  “Daddy is going to be so blessed by your tidiness!” “What a blessing you are!” “I’m so proud of you” “You are momma’s big helper!” and many other words of encouragement.

• When a child gets distracted we are right there to sing a song on picking up our toys or to direct them back to their task.

• We also lend a helpful hand! If we see a child struggling to carry a load of books up the stairs or difficulty in cleaning up we will quickly say, “Uh oh! Can I help you?” and we quickly rush to their aid. I also say things like, “I am so blessed to help you.”

• We are constantly observing and evaluating each child’s God given talents. When a child is strong in communication we teach them to be in charge of answering the phone, learning to take messages and give them to the appropriate person in a timely and accurate fashion. Having a child in charge of taking phone calls has given me so much time to be able to do other things for my family.  When I have a child that loves nature I put them in charge of the garden including all the planning. We of course all work on the garden as a family but that member of the family makes sure we are on schedule for watering, weeding and harvesting. I think you get the idea. Look at your child’s talents and then apply them in the home. You will be blessed by how victoriously your home can operate.

NOTE: I have learned over the years that often a child’s strength appears as a weakness. That is when their talent or strength is misdirected. We will talk about how they can use that character trait for God instead of “self”. For example, a child may have a lot of energy and uses it carelessly causing chaos and disorder. We talk and start apply strategies to use that energy for the good of the home. I’ve found it only takes a little training in this area and as soon as they start to get the positive encouragement and words of appreciation they not only stop causing disorder but actually starting bringing order and victory in our home! It is a fun transformation to watch and be part of.

I better run, I have a busy day ahead!

With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

M.O.M.'s Mailbox

This is the continued letter that I received from a precious young momma. The first section is listed as, A Moment with M.O.M. - mommies wear armor too. May our homes reflect His grace!

Question- "There are times when it is obvious when a child is outright disobeying, but I'm just not clear on the gray areas. Most days feel like absolute chaos, where I'm constantly reminding someone of a rule. How long do you have to train before its disobeying? And how in the world do I start when there are so many things going wrong?"

How long you train a child varies from one child to the next and from one situation to the next. It keeps us dependant on God and seeking His Wisdom. Take time to consider one thing that is bringing "chaos" to your home and tackle it as the Lord leads. Make sure you pray about this- the Lord will show you what to require of your children and when. Parenting our children takes a great deal of prayer, guidance, energy and effort! We don't just roll out of bed and take the day as it comes. We must be purposeful and prayerful about each requirement in the home!

With that said, once you train a child in a rule then you must discipline them if they refuse to obey that rule. They can't be allowed to keep "forgetting" that rule.

I would start by giving them the directive: "You can stay up and have quiet time while the other children nap however, you must be quiet during that time."

Then I would train them:

I would explain to them that when the home is quiet for nap time even "small" noises sound loud. I would show them the things in the room that would make much too much noise during nap time. I would ask questions, "Do you think this toy is quiet or noisy?" As much as possible try and let them think out which items are not meeting your 'quiet time' requirements.

To give them a visual reminder you may want to purchase some colored labels (they make colored dots and those work best). Have the child put a red dot on the items they should not chose during quiet time and put a green dot on the toys that are okay to use.

Offer them encouragement as needed- we all need encouragement in well doing! Show them the 'quiet things' such as read a book, draw, color, write out Scriptures and so forth. You may even want to have a plastic container of 'quiet toys' that are only allowed to be played with during this time. Change the items on a regular basis to offer variety and keep the container special. I use to have shoe boxes with toys by theme. I would store them and rotate in our home as needed. Doing this kept 'old' toys new. The children's faces would light up each time I brought out 'new' toys and would often have fun memories to recall!

If the child refused to obey the directive after I had carefully trained them then I must discipline them:

For this example, I would insist they take a nap every day until I felt they had learned their lesson. When they asked me if they had to take a nap or for how many days they must take a nap, I would tell them that I will have to wait for the Lord to show me when they have learned to obey my voice. I would encourage them that by obeying me cheerfully and taking the nap I can see that they will obey me and the 'quiet time' rules.

Please remember the suggestions I am giving you are real life suggestions that we have done here in our home. However, they are only suggestions. You need to pray and ask the Lord how He wants you to minister to your family and train your children in godliness.

Because of His Grace,

Mrs. Joseph Wood