M.O.M.’s Mailbox- Your Relationship with the older children?

Good Morning Friends!
We are on our way this morning to pick up some goats and visit with friends! A fun treat indeed! Have a beautiful day!
Question: 2 questions. 1.) I admire the relationship you have with your older children! (at least the ones on facebook) How did you get to that point? 2.) You've run the gamut of ages with child-rearing...could you pinpoint the "hardest" age/stage of life? (I have a feeling the answer will be EACH stage has their ups/downs) but ...I love hearing your words so I"m gonna ask anyway!
Answer: I am very blessed to have a close relationship with all my children. My older children have come to the “spotlight” over the years and have also answered peoples questions about our home, parenting and lives. I know that is is by God’s grace alone that we achieve anything good. Please keep that in mind as you read my ‘answer”. I am only sharing how He led us. I am confident that I can do nothing good apart from Him!  May the Lord be victorious in each of our homes! 
#1 When my oldest was about five I remember an older Sister telling me, “Jeanette, your son actually wants to please you.” I have shared that wisdom with countless women through the years and kept in the forefront of my mind. See, before then I never gave that any thought. I just figured that they were interested in their own self desires and never desired to please me. I should have known that they too have that God created desire inside them to be accepted. When I started parenting through that reminder things started changing. Now, instead of me quickly rebuking a child for slamming the door (or whatever it may have been) I considered their motive. I took time to really think about what they were trying to do and talked to them about that. If they broke something, hurt someone or erred in someway I would carefully and prayerfully evaluate their motive.  There has been more than once that ‘others’ thought my child should be in trouble for something they did but I truly felt the Lord telling me that no discipline was needed only instruction. The children learned that mommy was truly there to care about them! I wasn’t just there to demand they live my way. I wanted to help them live under God’s direction with their own unique personality. When people try to put our family in a “box” they find it difficult when they come to my children because they are MUCH different than myself. And in my opinion that’s the way it should be. I grew up with my parents letting me live my dreams. I want to do the same for my children.  I wanted them to view me as not only a God given authority in their live but as a mentor, a fellow Sister in Christ that was there to help them in their weakness, encourage them in their strengths and lead them faithfully to the Lord. I wanted to live honestly in front of them not as a perfect parent but as a forgiven sinner.  These are the things I have strived for that have influenced my relationship with the older children. As I write this, I realize that this answer is a web of thoughts. So much comes to mind and I only hope I can write it clearly. If you have thoughts or questions, please ask again. Maybe this answer needs to be dissected. :-)

#2 Okay, moving on to the “easy” question now. :-) You’re right each stage has critical character developments that we must address. Many times people are negative about the “terrible two’s” I never had a problem with that age. Three years old was harder for me because I have so many independent children and they seemed to try and show their “authority” at that time. I never grew frustrated.. they were just too cute for that! But oh, how I did grow weary some days. I knew they were simply asking me if I loved them enough to lead them! I had to arise to each challenge and show them I was capable and faithful to mother them no matter how inconvenient it might have been to my “self” at the moment. What a critical stage that was!  I think often times people can make problems in their parenting or child’s live by following the World’s expectations. Children don’t have to be jealous of each new sibling that comes in the home. In fact, my children have always adored their new brother or sister!! Just yesterday, I listened as one of the older children dreamed of their relationship with their youngest brother. They talked about how they loved each of their siblings and each held a special spot in their heart. It was a joy to hear! SO.. keep this in mind. Don’t just assume because people say a bad character is “normal” that it is.. God calls it sin. Make sure you always keep that in mind no matter what stage you are addressing. For me, the hardest “stage” for me is any stage where a child struggles.. struggles with changes in their body, struggles with acceptance of boundaries… anytime a child is having a hard time accepting the Season of life they are in, I have to step up to the plate and walk them through it, those are the challenging ones for me. I guess because sometimes you just can’t “fix” it for your child no matter how badly you want too. They have to go through the growth, the heart work that God is leading them through and for a mom that can be a challenge to be part of. Hmm.. so many thoughts come to mind as I share. I am only reminded that parenting is truly not for cowards!
I hope some of my thoughts have helped! Thank you for participating and asking. I don’t always have, “THE ANSWER” but I know God does and I love to share how He led me, pray for you and see the blessings as you follow His leading!
With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

M.O.M.'s Mailbox- What's your Motive?

Hello Friends!
I can't believe it has been six days since posting. I do try to post every couple of days otherwise I get emails wondering if I am MIA. :-) Never to worry, life is sometimes a whirlwind and with as hard as I try to manage my time wisely and make sure to keep sharing our lives (a true tapestry of His amazing grace) with others a priority something has to give and blogging is always first on the list to go.

At any rate, I have a few more questions that should take the rest of the week to share. I want to make sure I get to all of these questions; I love hearing from you!

Question: What is your motive for having so many children?

Answer: I understand that if you're not familiar with large families it could be quite perplexing to see a family that has so many children. We all have motives for everything we do and I am truly delighted to share with you our motivation! Before my husband and I were married we discussed at great lengths our desire for many children. We knew we wanted to adopt and that in the Lords perfect timing, adoption would be part of our life story! We firmly believe that children are a blessing from the Lord. We wanted to invest our lives into the lives of the children that He would give to us. I don't put my self worth into my children, it is alone in Christ. I do however, pour every fiber of my being into my relationship with each of my children. Simply having many children that live in our home and have our last name was never the goal. The goal has always been to train each child for the glory of God. To build precious relationships with each of them that cause them to seek a personal relationship with their Creator. Joe and I both enjoy the dynamics of a large family. We wouldn't trade our lives for anything else! We continue to humbly seek the Lord for wisdom and direction as we raise each of these unique individuals for His glory! We pray over them and for them as if there was a war raging for their soul...because there is. We have cried countless tears when we saw them wander from Truth and rejoiced as we saw them return to His will for their lives. In our opinion, parenting is not a passive position. It is active and it keeps us very busy!! I don't wake every day and just take what comes. I am purposely pouring myself into my family and I LOVE every minute of it!

Does that answer your question? I have loved sharing!
With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment in Training- Every Child’s Talent

I am often asked how I get it “all” done. My reply without fail is, “I don’t! I have lots and lots of helpful hands.”  Our home and farm life is a direct reflection of 12 individual people coming together with their talents, strengths and yes, weaknesses and using them to the Glory of God! From the moment my children are born we teach them that they have a vital role in the family. Our family can not do all that God has planned for us if we do not all work together in harmony. We continual express the Biblical directive to serve others, esteem others, and to lay down our lives for one another. My husband and I have had to be the first example of this type of love and service. We were created to serve for His Glory and we are honored to do so!  In fact in my home, there is no greater honor to strive for than to be called, A Servant of Christ. That is the highest honor that we can attain! Therefore, we must learn to crucify our selfish desires and lay down our lives daily for each other… starting right here in our home! Don’t fool yourself in thinking that your child can be so good and serve so well in public but is quite the opposite in your home. Sometimes you will see this type of “eye service” in children but that is the not the heart work that God desires. If a child truly has a heart of service they will be serving at home first and then in their church, community and the world. If they can not serve in the home then all they do in the public eye is of little worth. Here are some tips on how to train children in service in the home. If you have more to add to the list share them here for others to read. I am sure they are countless ideas!

• From infancy teach children they have worth. Give them a task they can do and praise them for a job well done. For example, in our home, children less than a year old are putting their toys away and books back on the shelf. We sit with them and encourage them as they “work” so hard for their family to make the home tidy. We encourage with our words saying things such as, “Good job!” “You’re such a great ‘picker upper’”  “Daddy is going to be so blessed by your tidiness!” “What a blessing you are!” “I’m so proud of you” “You are momma’s big helper!” and many other words of encouragement.

• When a child gets distracted we are right there to sing a song on picking up our toys or to direct them back to their task.

• We also lend a helpful hand! If we see a child struggling to carry a load of books up the stairs or difficulty in cleaning up we will quickly say, “Uh oh! Can I help you?” and we quickly rush to their aid. I also say things like, “I am so blessed to help you.”

• We are constantly observing and evaluating each child’s God given talents. When a child is strong in communication we teach them to be in charge of answering the phone, learning to take messages and give them to the appropriate person in a timely and accurate fashion. Having a child in charge of taking phone calls has given me so much time to be able to do other things for my family.  When I have a child that loves nature I put them in charge of the garden including all the planning. We of course all work on the garden as a family but that member of the family makes sure we are on schedule for watering, weeding and harvesting. I think you get the idea. Look at your child’s talents and then apply them in the home. You will be blessed by how victoriously your home can operate.

NOTE: I have learned over the years that often a child’s strength appears as a weakness. That is when their talent or strength is misdirected. We will talk about how they can use that character trait for God instead of “self”. For example, a child may have a lot of energy and uses it carelessly causing chaos and disorder. We talk and start apply strategies to use that energy for the good of the home. I’ve found it only takes a little training in this area and as soon as they start to get the positive encouragement and words of appreciation they not only stop causing disorder but actually starting bringing order and victory in our home! It is a fun transformation to watch and be part of.

I better run, I have a busy day ahead!

With much love,
Mrs. Joseph Wood

A Moment in Proverbs 7/14/09

Proverbs 17: 6

Children's children are the crown of old men; and the glory of children are their fathers.

I am confident that I was the crown of my grandfather as were my children. Every part of his conversation and actions showed that he found us the most precious jewels he had been given in life. At the age of 91 my grandfather was still full of life and mentally alert. I had often prayed that when the Lord took him home it would be peacefully, in his sleep. The Lord granted my request and Grandpa went home to Jesus just as I had prayed. Hours before he passed away, we were able to spend time talking with him. He told the children how he would never forget the joy of watching them catch waves (we had taken trips to the beach together). He told our adopted children of how much love and joy filled his heart when he learned they would be joining our family. We had sweet conversations with him and yet we somehow knew that it would be our last. I am thankful the Lord gave my children this last conversation with their great grandpa! They have been left with the message, "You were my crown!" However, it's not enough for children to know they are a blessing to their family. I want to make sure that everything I do encourages my children to delight in the glory of their father. I want to carefully guard them from the message of the world that says fathers are clumsy and disconnected. There is a peace that invades our hearts and homes when we live as God intended... when we see children as a blessing and fathers as the glory of children.

If this seems foreign to you, feel free to write me a note with your question and I will share how the Lord has personally led us. We delight in the Truth that we are a blessing to our fathers. We know the Joy as we strive to live within the blessings of their leadership.

With much love,

Mrs. Joseph Wood